A Little Bit Stronger

A friend of mine posted this song for me and By George it hits the nail on the head.  

A Little Bit Stronger by Sara Evans

Woke up late today and I still feel the sting of the pain
But I brushed my teeth anyway
I got dressed through the mess and put a smile on my face
I got a little bit stronger

Riding in the car to work and I’m trying to ignore the hurt
So I turned on the radio, stupid song made me think of you
I listened to it for minute but I changed it
I’m getting a little bit stronger, just a little bit stronger

And I’m done hoping that we could work it out
I’m done with how it feels, spinning my wheels
Letting you drag my heart around
And, oh, I’m done thinking that you could ever change

I know my heart will never be the same
But I’m telling myself I’ll be okay
Even on my weakest days
I get a little bit stronger

Doesn’t happen overnight but you turn around
And a month’s gone by and you realize you haven’t cried
I’m not giving you a hour or a second or another minute longer
I’m busy getting stronger

And I’m done hoping that we can work it out
I’m done with how it feels, spinning my wheels
Letting you drag my heart around
And, oh, I’m done thinking, that you could ever change

I know my heart will never be the same
But I’m telling myself I’ll be okay
Even on my weakest days, I get a little bit stronger
I get a little bit stronger

Getting along without you, baby
I’m better off without you, baby
How does it feel without me, baby?
I’m getting stronger without you, baby

And I’m done hoping we could work it out
I’m done with how it feels, spinning my wheels
Letting you drag my heart around
And, oh, I’m done thinking that you could ever change

I know my heart will never be the same
But I’m telling myself I’ll be okay
Even on my weakest days
I get a little bit stronger

I get a little bit stronger
Just a little bit stronger
A little bit, a little bit, a little bit stronger
I get a little bit stronger

~END~

I have been learning a lot about myself these past few days.  How I only have the power to change myself and not everyone else around me.  

I cannot be the Director, Producer, Lighting guy, the actor, the everything on my Stage production of life.  I have to give up somethings in order to truly find out how really happy I am.  

And Everyday i do get a little bit stronger.  Separating myself from the things in my life that were toxic.  Not being so Codependent and being who I can be to the best of my ability.  Loving life and everything in it to the fullest.  Smile when I feel sad.  Spend some quiet time to myself.  Read things that help me grow and become that better person.  

Totally LETTING go and realizing that I am totally Powerless.  

Thanks for reading and know that with each passing day I am becoming more of the person I was meant to become.  The truly happy Ryan.

Hugz

~RYAN~ 

I am who I am.

One thing I have learned is that I am really not able to express my self out loud as freely as many other people.  That doesn’t mean that I do not speak my mind.  Cuse we all know I do that and I do it well.  Some times to well.  But what I am really talking about it expressing my feelings.  And some of the mediums I find this easiest for me to do are thought Facebook and Twitter.  Sadly sometimes it comes across as me being a whiny fool.  

Well why that might be true to a extent.  I am not looking for Sympathy or anything.  Just looking for my “friends” to want to be there to listen.  Gawd knows I do it a ton for everyone else.  But it does seem that people don’t like it when I do it, I am not sure why???  But if everyone else is allowed to do it then I should be allowed to as well.  

But the one thing that I have come to learn in this world is that there are always double standards.  Some people are allowed to do certain things while others cannot do the same exact things.  In life at work at home where ever.  Different rules for different people.  Well you know what SCREW that.  I am going to be who I want to be and do what makes me happy.  If someone doesn’t like it then F&#k you.  I have no time for haters.  I am not a waste of space or energy.  I am who I am and Love me for it.  If you cannot please get out of my life and leave me alone.

Anyways, thanks for reading,

Hugz Ryan

Don’t Be Mean to Other People

Don’t be mean to other people.

It’s just not worth it.

You lose control.

You embarrass yourself.

And you become less than the person you want to be.

You’re better than that.

Your life means more than that.

Confront with politeness.

Resolve conflict with determination.

But never be mean.

You’re only demeaning yourself

It’s Friday……Friday

Well today is Friday.  Thank the Lord.  This week was a week I never thought would end.  But I am ready for it. 

So I did attend the Midnight showing of Green Lantern and I LOVED IT.  The people I were with thought it was just Blah but poo on them.  LOL  Naw everyone is entitled to their own opinion and I respect and value that.  But being a super hero DC fan I really did like it and I do recommend it to anyone.  I am sure I will go again and see it.

“In brightest day, in blackest night, no evil shall escape my sight. Let those who worship evil’s might, beware my power, Green Lantern’s light!”

So anyways back on track.  Friday.  Not sure what can be said about Friday other than it has to be the 3rd best day of the week with Saturday and Sunday coming in 1st and 2nd.  And Monday being the worst.  (ok done being a kid for now)


But there is something else I want to talk about and that is FaceBook.  I found this clip that I thought was really funny about Facebook and Twitter in the Real world.
So many of us are like that.  We add friends we don’t even know (I am guilty of this) and we all want to have the most friends, which is so much like High School all over again.  But on the Flip side I have connected and interacted with so many great people on FB and Twitter.  And being new to Denver and a guy who is not really into the bar scene FB for me is a good way to connect and interact with other local people in Denver.  But there are people out there who add anyone and ever one just to get that number count up.  I noticed on FB there are some FB pages that have a really hot guy on the Profile picture but no other pictures and no real posts.  So my question is this WHY would you want to be this persons friend.  I want my friend to be real and provide real content for me to read.  That is what makes FB so exciting.


Oh and don’t think I forgot about Twitter.  Please that is almost worst.  People post OH I only need x number of people till I get 1000 friends.  But the problem with them is that they only follow like 200 people.  I am sorry but no one is Famous enough to be like that.  Do the common thing and follow back.  Or the people that really get me are the people that send you a message and say I am following you please follow back and you do, but then they go right back and unfollow you.  How low is that just to get their numbers up.  


I really try to keep my Twitter feed clean with people I ACTUALLY do read on a daily basis.  Granted I have almost 1200 followers and I follow 500 people but I have given those people a try and try to engage them but they never reply or want to carry on a conversation.  So BYE BYE.  I give everyone a try first before i decide to unfollow them,  So give it a try Twitter can be fun.


Anyways, I hope you all have an amazing weekend and to those Gays in Denver have a great Pride and please remember what Pride really is about.


Hugz

Ryan

Pride

So if you cannot tell today’s post is going to be about Pride.  And in particular Gay Pride.  Since June is Gay Pride month and Denver Pride is coming up this weekend I thought I would touch on it a bit.

Living in a small town in Kansas (roughly 16,000 people) there were not many gay people who were out.  Heck I only knew like 3 other gay people.  So that means no Pride parades for us. Then moved to Wichita and yes while it was bigger there was still no real community of Gay people.  It really seemed people were just Gay because others were.  Very weird and hard to describe.  Then I moved to Denver in August and let me tell you it is totally different.  There are many gay people here who are proud to be who they are.  They actually take pride in it and fight to make a difference.  But yet again there are those who are just the sluts and tramps of the gay community.  Who can look the best, who can get laid the most, who has the biggest cock.  And so on. 

They think Pride is a time to Flaunt that and make sure their dance card is full.  Make sure they go everywhere and see everyone so that way the people they see know “they must be cool.”  But is that really what Pride is all about.

Several years ago Pride was about fighting for what we believed in equal rights.  I do not think that the people that followed MLKJr were about having as much sex as possible or whatever, but they were fighting for their rights and their chance to be equal citizens.  Sadly we as a Gay community have forgotten this.  And we wonder why we don’t have the same rights as our Straight friends.  Because we are seen in a light of being these bad things, people looking only for sex.  Or people who dress up like girls for no reason.  (Our straight friends don’t do that)  Maybe we need to take a moment and look back on past gay patrons and look at the work they have done for us. 

And maybe just maybe if we actually fight for what we want rather that worry about who has that six pack, or the most sexual partners over the weekend, then maybe just maybe we might start to be viewed in a better light, like we are SERIOUS, and start getting the rights that are deserved us. 

So please when you are out there at your Pride fest please remember what they are really for fighting for our rights and showing the rest of America that we deserve them just as much as they do. 

Thanks and Happy Pride,

Ryan

Self Image/What others think

I wanted to write about this as I find it very hard for many people to actually love themselves.  Being a gay man and living in a rather large city (Denver) I seem to see it more and more that people are totally obsessed with looking super hot, have that six pack, have those bulging biceps or whatever.  It seems every one is dieting eating only the veggies and protein shakes.  I totally get the healthy lifestyle and being healthy, gawd knows I need to be healthy.  But why all the obsession.  Countless hours at the gym.  Missing the good things in life.  Think about it. You get up at 6AM and get to work and work 8 hours and are off at 5PM.  You drive home and rush hour traffic is horrible so you are not home till 6PM.  You change and get ready for the gym because you NEED to go EVERY day.  You get there at 7:30 and work out for 2 hours it now 930 and you head home.  You have really done nothing to experience life.  You work your ass off at the gym to look good and live longer but what can you experience when you are 80 years old. 

I say enjoy life now.  And instead of eating rabbit food all the time make LIFESTYLE changes.  Instead of all the French Fries with that burger maybe get veggies.  Make small healthy choices.  Live a good life and learn to be a good person loving EVERYONE for who they are. 

I am not saying that I wouldn’t want a 6 pack or bulging biceps but my genetics dealt me a shitty hand and I have to learn to accept me for who I am.  A cuddly teddy bear with great friends and family.

I do struggle with that everyday.  But my friend do love me for me.  I go walking around the park and enjoy the people and the animals that I see.  Again making small healthy life choices. 

Like RuPaul Says “If you don’t love yourself, how the hell you going to love somebody else?”

Love the body you have Thin, Fat, Black, White, whatever you may be WORSHIP that body. 

That is my rant for the day.  Thanks for reading.

Hugz

Ryan